One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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