I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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