Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
