i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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