Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
