The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
