nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
