My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
