If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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