She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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