No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
