You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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