Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
