She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
