thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
