After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
should my penis look like a turkey
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
