A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
