i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
