so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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