So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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