is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
why is half of my head shaved?
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