Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
