You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We have started to decorate penises.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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