your room smells of hookers.
And success
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
