ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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