I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
