My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
