we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found puke in my bra..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
