We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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