never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
