you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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