fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
