I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize