just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
