I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
