awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
