You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
