i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
