I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
