Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize