i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
40s are totally the cure
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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