My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
