remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
