i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
