She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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