why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
