I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize