he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
