Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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