There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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