so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
