happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
