i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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