just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize