I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
