Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize