He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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