i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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