Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
