I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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