You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
