I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
