Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize