you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
