We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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