i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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