I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize