Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
