i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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