is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just invented taco cereal.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
