as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
