we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
