Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
