I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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