He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
