At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
