i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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