I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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