Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
