I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
