She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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