I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
