I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
