shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
