She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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