T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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