yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
