textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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