If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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