Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
