I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I AM VODKA MAN
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
