i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
