GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
