dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
