Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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