im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
