around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
