and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
