I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
