is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
