When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the day after is always just damage control
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
