im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
