Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
