why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
