why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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