i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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