My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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