I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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