Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
