If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
