Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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